I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think i got beer on your cat.
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