no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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