1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
be right there i have to get my cape
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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