I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
