I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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