i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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