Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize