Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
