Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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