a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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