It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize