This is not my ceiling
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
