I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
