I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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