I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
