i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize