Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
