im drinking this country out of the recession.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
