Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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