I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
