please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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