He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
