I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
