did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
