Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
