I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
