Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
