His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
