The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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