I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
