My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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