I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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