There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
