Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize