The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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