So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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