to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
