college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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