He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
