I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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