Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
