the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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