i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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