Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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