So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
