dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
