My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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