he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
