I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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