Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I died a long time ago.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
