If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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