the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sorry about my life...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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