She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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