your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
