He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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