Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house