btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.