he puts the penis in happiness.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??