my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
