His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
