Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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