i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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