I wannas sexs uuuuu
My nipple is on Facebook.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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